Monday, November 22, 2010

Hair Cream versus Tooth Paste


My dad kept his tube of hair cream and comb in a drawer next to the bathroom sink. His tooth brush and tooth paste were in the medicine cabinet over the sink. He was out late most nights and was usually pretty bleary eyed when he got up in the morning. 

One Saturday morning, my brother and I swapped the two tubes, hoping that he wouldn’t notice until it was too late. We sat in the living room waiting for him to get up and go to the bathroom for a long time.  

After what seemed like hours, we heard him come out of his room and go into the bathroom. The first noise we heard was the toilet flushing, the second was the bathroom faucet running, the third noise sounded like some kind of wild animal.

Apparently fate selected the “brush your teeth with hair cream” scenario over “comb your hair with toothpaste,” because the "wild animal" noises turned into some very loud retching. Then the sound of my dad throwing up!

After a few minutes he came out of the bathroom with one tube in each hand. We sat quietly on the couch watching TV, like we didn’t know (or hear) a thing while he stomped into the kitchen and asked my mom about it. She claimed to know nothing and told him that he must have put them away in the wrong places the day before. When he walked by us on his way back to the bathroom, he paused for just a second and stared at us.


We must have looked innocent, because he didn’t say a word.  I think he knew on some level that we did it, but he never asked.

I don't have many happy childhood stories, this is one of them...
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I first posted this when I had only a handful of readers and it received exactly zero comments

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89 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'll tell you one thing for sure. He checked those tubes every single day after that. :)

Also? EWWW!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Bet you have comments now! Wicked trick, Pat.

salarsenッ said...

This was classic and a great scene for one of my middle grade stories. Hah!! Loved it.

Dawn said...

HahhhhahhhhaAAHHahhhhaHHHHAHHHHAAAA!
(gasp)
Oh Pat! YOU would have been one awesome kid! I can picture it all now.
I'm sorry that there weren't that many happy memories...but this one IS a jem.
I think you and one of my boys would have gotten along quite splendidly;)
Hope you have an awesome new week:)

M. D. Jackson said...

That's nasty.

Brenda's Arizona said...

UGH. Imagining the taste is haunting.

dennis hodgson said...

Let me help you out there Pat. Now you've got one comment. Actually, a funny story [glad it wasn't me], but a bit mean, don't you think?

Copyboy said...

Thankfully it didn't end the way I thought it was going to end. Wow! That must've tasted horrific!!! BTW...what were you watching? :)

Brian said...

My Dad once took his Dad's 63 Chevy convertible through a car wash with the top down...he was forever getting the soap out of the carpet!

Yes indeed, Batman and I sure do look a lot alike!

Bare bilder - Pictures only said...

Well, your father got a big surprise Pat, and you and your brother a funny time:)
Like you, I haven't got so many happy childhoodstories, and look more forward than backwards.
Have a nice week:)
Hug from winter wonderland:)

Clarissa Draper said...

Oh, that's so mean! Patrick! Well, I'm glad your father wasn't too sick.

CD

Georgina Dollface said...

I gagged reading that one. Imagine how minty fresh his hair would have smelled if it had gone the other way!
I like that you brought back an old story from when your blog was just starting out. You've come a long way! - G

Pat Tillett said...

TVA - I don't remember, but i'm sure he did...

Alex - thanks Alex! it was a classic in my family (at least between my brother and I)

salarsen - I think, I'll be using this one myself! thanks!

Dawn - It was a different world, that's for sure! Some might not have agreed, that awesome was the right word...LOL!

M.D. - Yes it was! I wonder how toothpaste would have worked in his hair?

Brenda - My brother and I did give it a tiny taste one time, and yes, it was terrible!

dennis - It was a bit mean, but that was standard fare in our home.

Jesse - We were watching "Wild Bill Hickcok." I'm sure you've never heard of that one...

Brian - I'd love to own that car today!

bare bilder - it was pretty funny! Like you, things are better now! thanks!

Clarissa - Nah! It wasn't that mean. I can think of worse things that come in a tube...

Pat Tillett said...

Georgina - Thanks so much! I remember wondering if anybody was ever going to comment on anything I wrote...

Jo said...

Not nice to play with the parents..... I did the something along this line to a roommate once, though and it was pretty funny.

Penny said...

HAHA! This was great! Thank you for the Monday morning smile!

Bossy Betty said...

I am sure you can still look that innocent.

Bossy Betty said...

Why don't you try something like this with your wife and see if you've still got the touch?

Bossy Betty said...

Why don't you try something like this with your wife and see if you've still got the touch?

Bossy Betty said...

I am leaving you three comments to make up for the pain you experienced of getting no comments the first time around.

Happy now?

Ree said...

I would have loved doing something like that to my brother back in our school days! Funny, yet mean and sick. Haha!

altadenahiker said...

Could picture that one! Expecially the boys watching TV with a little too much concentration.

I had a childhood friend whose grandmother once set her hair with Windex.

Pearl said...

Bet he was more careful the next day, wasn't he?

Ya li'l stinkers...

Pearl

TS Hendrik said...

Well I'm glad you reposted it. Hilarious story!

Rek said...

well...that was a little mean :O but its ok if he was the Hitler types...no such antic filled childhood for me...enjoyable but boring...my bro/cousins use to pull pranks(nothing like this) on me as I get easily flustered... :)

Talli Roland said...

Haha! That's hilarious, Pat. I can just imagine it...

DrSoosie said...

Those are the memories from childhood of innocent fun that as parents we can appreciate. I bet the hair cream did just as good a job as the toothpaste...in some ways they are kind of similar!

Leovi said...

Very interesting this post. Greetings Leovi

Pam said...

This is to good a story not to repost so we all can enjoy it and comment. I had to chuckle to myself as my mind put pictures to your incredibly delightful words.

Good one, Pat!

Lucy Corrander said...

It's not always one knows what to say.

Lucy

Sharon Wagner said...

Yes, usually parents have us figured out. Like the time my parents asked if I'd cut off the cat's whiskers. I said no. But I was an only child. There was no one else to blame. And somebody did it.

Jhon Baker said...

great story and I am happy to read a positive memory of yours from childhood.

Lynda Young said...

That's so naughty! I don't know how you managed to look innocent.

Pat Tillett said...

Jo - We would have never dared do it to my mom. Payback would have been brutal...

Penny - My pleasure! I aim to please...

BB - You are too darn funny! No way I'd ever do that to my wife. Not a chance, no way! I am happy now! Thanks for the numerous comments! You only get one in return though. LOL...

Ree - I'm not even sure if they have hair cream in tubes anymore.
I blame my brother!

Karin - You're right, I'm sure he knew. I'll your friends gm had streak free hair though...

Pearl - Oh yeah, I never stepped foot in that bathroom again.

Tim - Thanks Tim! I'm gonna dig a little more in the archives...

Rek - It was a little mean and he wasn't the Hitler type. I blame my brother!

Talli - Thanks! It was quite a morning...

DrSoosie - I wonder if they still have Brylcream in a tube? Yuck!

Leovi - thanks Leovi!

Pam - Thanks so much! I had to chuckle myself as I read it.

Lucy - Too good for words!

Sharon - Your imaginary friend must have done it!

Jhon - thanks! Yep, me too. There aren't that many positive stories from those days...

Pat Tillett said...

Lynda - Thanks! I don't know how we did either. There must have been some giggles coming out of us.

Nat said...

Hahaha! Very naughty but very funny...glad you reposted ;)

Carol In Color said...

Too funny.

faye said...

How did you mange to sit and look innocent ?? I'm sure there was a
smirk hidden.

Great story !!

Rabbit said...

I've done that! TO MYSELF!

I use the VO5 hair cream that comes in a tube like toothpaste... ...and I used to drink. A lot. So much so that I would wake up still drunk... And late for work... And in a hurry...

Yeah, you like my rants? You should have been a fly on the wall...

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

The perfect prank, followed by perfect acting. Kudos to you and your bro! xo

jeannette said...

Oh, this is a good one --priceless! Would have been too fearful for the revenge my father would think up!

Marlene said...

Ha ha ha!!! Especially funny now when you think back, eh?

Also wanted to say thanks so much for the birthday wishes! xoxox

John McElveen said...

To think that this GARRNERED ZERO COMMENTS IS AS PHENOMENAL AS THE OL BAIT AND SWITCH!!

WHAT AWESOME RESULTS!!!

j uhhh---sorry about the caps lock!

John McElveen said...

Pat- my wife can't hold up a book to read due to her neck probs, and I love books to the nth degree. I put a Kindle back the other day--but you just answered ALL my questions with your previous post I just caught up on.

Thanks my friend--I'm off for 2--- Christmas presents!!!!!

What about the format for Public Library books, that Kindle supposedly doesn't support.? I think you answered that in the number of free, and the "Classics" Kindle offers?

So it is comparable to buying a new book?

J

Chuck said...

You were a braver lad than I would ever have been. I still don't think I can comprehend my brother and I even thinking about doing this to our dad...unless I could have forced all the blame on my brother. But being the oldest, that would have been destined to backfire on me.

Pat Tillett said...

Nat - Thanks! So am I...

Carol - Thanks! Nice to see you here...

faye - I'm sure there was some smirks also. thanks!

Rabbit - Oh no! Maybe there should be a "personal hygeine" warning on alcohol products...
I can only imagine your rant when that happened.

Robyn - Thanks! It was my brother's idea, but he made me nmove one of the tubes...

jeannette - My father wasn't our worry, it was our mom...

Marlene - Yes! my pleasure, hope you had a good birthday!

John - Thanks John! It did turn out pretty well...
Yay! I'm sure you'll like them!
As to the library books. There are more and more books being "published' in Kindle formate everyday. It's cheaper than a new book. Sometimes by a little and sometimes a lot...

Chuck - I'm not really sure I had a choice in the matter. My brother made sure that I moved one of the tubes while he moved the other.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Now---look at the comments you have, Pat.... Wow!!!!!

Funny story --and I'll bet that your Dad 'knew' who did it!!!!!!

Have a nice Thanksgiving.
Hugs,
Betsy

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Now---look at the comments you have, Pat.... Wow!!!!!

Funny story --and I'll bet that your Dad 'knew' who did it!!!!!!

Have a nice Thanksgiving.
Hugs,
Betsy

passionofthemom said...

ROTFLMFAO
OMG, that is completely hysterical!!!! xD Too bad he didn't comb his hair first, but then I don't do that first either. LOL I wish I'd been that daring when I was a kid, I tell ya'. Great post, Pat, and it certainly seems to be a popular number now!! ;)

Pat Tillett said...

Betsy - thanks! He probably did. You have a nice holiday also!

Janet - Thanks so much! That would have been perfect if he used both!

tapirgal said...

Great story, Pat, and you have a "few" more comments this time!

Pat Tillett said...

tapirgal - Thanks! Just a few! LOL...

SquirrelQueen said...

Even when parents don't know for sure they strongly suspect. Lack of proof is probably what saved you guys on that one.

Pat Tillett said...

SQ - That's why we wouldn't have done it to my mom. She didn't need proof of anything!

DavidV said...

A good story well told. Very funny and ... disgusting taste XD.

Lynne H. said...

One happy childhood memory is more than some have..:-)

I would say you have far surpassed the "zero" comment phase you popular man you!!!!!!

Pat Tillett said...

DavidV - Thanks so much!

Lynne - So true! Things have certainly changed around here. Now I pay people to comment...

Kristy said...

You are soooooooo lucky he didn't know you did it, or wasn't sure enough to punish you! hahaha

Budd said...

this is awesome. It sounds like something my brother and I would have done. Or maybe something my kids would do to me.

Pat Tillett said...

Kristy - Or, he might have been giving us a break because my mom may have freaked out about it...

Budd - Thanks! My kids tried to do something similar to this a while after I told them the story. I'm happy to report...they failed!

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

that is a great story Pat- I am glad you reposted it!

Pat Tillett said...

Ren - Thanks so much! I'm glad I reposted it also...

Stephen Tremp said...

First time visitor ... I had three siblings and we were all born within a six year span. So we were always doing crazy stuff like this. We drove my parents and each other bonkers LOL!

Pat Tillett said...

Stephen - Thanks so much for commenting and signing on! It must have been fun to all be so close in age to each other. I'm sure you have a lot of good memories. thanks again!

Cheeseboy said...

Holy crap Patrick - that is one funny story! The pure innocence and simplicity of it is what makes it great.

Pat Tillett said...

Cheeseboy - Thanks my friend! It was just too easy...

J.C. Martin said...

*LOL* My dad's done something similar, though it was a genuine mistake and not a prank. He commented one day that the new shampoo we bought was really good, and how clean his scalp and hair feels now after using it. It even smells nice without being overpoweringly perfume-y.

My mom had a weird look on her face. "I didn't buy any new shampoo. It's our regular brand."

"Yes you have!" Dad insisted. "It's the one with the dog on the front!"

Now bear in mind this was YEARS ago, and Dad was never in charge of bathing dogs, and hence never even knew shampoo especially for dogs existed!

Pat Tillett said...

JC - thanks! That's even better than a prank. great story! I wonder if there is really very much difference?

Francisca said...

I did the same to my grandmother when I was about five. She put salt instead of sugar in her morning coffee. I don't remember how the story ended, but I obviously lived to tell about it. :-D

Sarah said...

Haha wow! I can only imagine the anticipation you and your brother felt while sitting on that couch. I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face. Good memory to hold on to.

Pat Tillett said...

Francisca - That's funny! We used to do that with salt and sugar also...

Sarah - Thanks! We were nervous, that's for sure!

Jimmy said...

I can just imagine sitting there looking innocent and trying to not bust a gut laughing, I bet he did double and triple check the tubes after that.

Pat Tillett said...

Jimmy - I don't see how we could have looked innocent, or avoided laughing!

Margaret Benbow said...

You were lucky you had a dad who gave you the benefit of the doubt! A lot of Dads back in the day thought like vigilantes--"Shoot them all and let God sort them out."

diane rene said...

wow! 0 comments and now 73!

why is it we always think of the funny consequence, never the not-so-funny one when we are planning gags like that?

Entre Nous said...

Maybe Venus was in retrograde when you first posted it because it is absolutely precious. No matter how hard I tried, I could never perfect that innocent look, which my sister never failed to see through. Which would explain why I became such a good runner......

Pat Tillett said...

Margaret - Yep, we were lucky. The one we had to worry about was our mom....

diane - You are so right, I guess that's one of thethings we learn when we grow up. We think about consequences...

Entre Nous - That's funny! Yep, you better be good at one or the other, that's for sure...

Jenny said...

Love this. Retribution is kinda/sorta fun...in a small way...when you don't actually get caught doing the retributing. hmmm... Yea. OK, that's not a word.

Jenny said...

Love this. Retribution is kinda/sorta fun...in a small way...when you don't actually get caught doing the retributing. hmmm... Yea. OK, that's not a word.

Pat Tillett said...

Jenny - Thanks! You are right! Not getting caught is the key!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

My husband grew up in a household with no humour. When he and his sister exchanged the salt for sugar and vice versa on April Fools Day, they almost didn't live to tell the tale. Rosemary

Pat Tillett said...

Rosemary - same at our house. My dad was gone shortly after this and my mother was crazy (really!).

Icy BC said...

Memories like this last forever! If we do anything like this to our dad, the result would not be the same as yours :-)

Pat Tillett said...

Icy BC - I agree! I don't have many fond memories of my childhood, but this is one of them. Thanks!

Living In Williamsburg Virginia said...

Wow, were you bad. Excellent prank though.

Darryl and Ruth : )

Jerry said...

And now you have 85 comments.

This reminds of the fact that every April Fools Day my mother would put salt in the sugar bowl. And every year at this time my father would, without fail, dump salt into his coffee and take a giant sip....and spray coffee all over the kitchen. He would stomp out cursing, not so much that it was done, but that he fell for it once again.

Pat Tillett said...

D&R - I have to admit, it was a good one! He was a good sport!

Jerry - That's a great story! My granddaughter loves to hide and scare me! I don't fall for it all the time anymore, but sometimes she gets me!

Brad Stanley said...

Smart move on the re-post. I enjoyed this very much.

And I'm comment #88!

When kids try to look so innocent they tend to look guilty I think ... he should've just come over and said "hello" or any other word to show off his breath. ha.

Pat Tillett said...

Brad - Thanks! I think I'm gonna dig some old "very lightly read" posts out of the old archives.
that would have been funny, if he breathed on us!