Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Office Eater Types


Everybody likes food, and people working in offices are no exception.  There are many different "food personalities" out there. You may be one recognize some of these fine folks...

The Leech
This ingrate never participates in office pot-lucks. Despite that fact, the leech has no problem slithering up to your potato salad and anything else that was brought in and eating without shame.

The Secret Eater
The overweight person who always says no to potluck, snacks, sweets and cake from office celebrations. They come back later, when no one is around to get their share and eat it in secret. It's not a problem if all the food is gone, because they have enough snacks in their desk to feed a small country. Oh yeah, there are never any candy or snack wrappers in their waste basket. What? Do they really think that if we never see them eating, that they must appear skinny to us?

The Ghost
This person doesn't even work with you, but somehow gets word that food is in the building and noses it out at just the right time.  Coincidence? I think not!  You won't see this schmuck again until the next time food is available.

The Hawk
The person who always asks if everyone is done eating and then scoops up all that is left and takes it home. I was at a my granddaughters birthday party a short time ago and my daughter caught one of the mothers wrapping up many pieces of pizza and putting them in her purse. The nerve! In addition, her daughter was clearly a trouble maker. Must be fun in that house.
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Of course there are other borderline personality types whose food issues have nothing to do with potlucks.


The Bird
This idiot eats pistachios, peanuts or sunflower seeds and manages to leave a mess wherever they are sitting.

The Saboteur
The skinny person who brings sweets in for everyone but never eats any themselves.  They must always remain the slimmest person in the office.

The Fish Eater
Forget about pot-lucks, this non-human always ignores the "NO FISH" sign hanging on the microwave and stinks up the entire office. This practice is so taboo, that doing it, should result a caning. Or is it just me?

inspiration provided by:  http://jayneferst.blogspot.com/2010/10/seeds-as-snacks.html

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67 comments:

Nat said...

Very well observed, Pat! I think I've worked with just about every one of those types...and the extra infuriating "lunch explodes in the microwave but I won't clean up" one too :)

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

yep yep yep, there are some in every office. well, except mine. now. those people moved to a new building. left us good ones.....HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!

Dawn said...

hehe....hilarious.
What a way to sum (us) them all up :)))
I never thought of it before...but yep...there seems to be a theme at potlucks. Wondering which one it is that people see me as......
;0)

Budd said...

You forgot the me type.
The guy- This person will always sign up for cutlery, plates, or soda. If that fails, they will bring pre packaged cookies.

Rabbit said...

Whoops! Saw myself there. I love to bake but am not particularly fond of sweets..... So SOMEone has to eat it.

Ann Best said...

I love the profiles!

And you are absolutely amazing with photographs. I always enjoy coming over here!!! And also seeing your "face" on my blog. Thanks for dropping by!
Ann

Penny said...

I would have to say I am the
The Saboteur
although, I am certainly not the skinniest person in the office :)
I just don't care for cakes and such, although I love baking them.

I also kind of fit into the first category as well. I don't really participate any more but I NEVER eat others stuff unless I participate. So much drama involved in pot lucks here at my job.

Brenda's Arizona said...

Oh my - you've nailed 'em all! I remember the secret eater was the one who helped set up or clean up. They nibble the whole time - but when the party was going on, they'd say 'No, thank you - I'm watching what I eat." Yeah, right.

Funny post, Pat!

Marlene said...

LOL!! Great post, Pat!!! Love it!

You missed "my type" however.

I like to think of myself as the "Mario Andretti"....the one who RACES to the front of the food line because, well, because it's FOOD!!!!

Lynne H. said...

Oh boy.. i work in a big office where we have many potlucks. You have named MANY of my co-workers. I shall leave thier names out of this comment perchance they read it.. But this is hilarious and irritating all in one fell swoop..
Missed you!!!!

TS Hendrik said...

Love this. I would also add the ninja as a personality. You're about to grab something, turn your attention for a minute, and when you look again the food in question is gone. Like a ninja in and out without a sound.

Pat Tillett said...

Nat - I forgot about that person. Once we had a health inspection and the took our microwave away, because it was totally nasty!
Thanks!

Kalynn - Yep, I think it's one of those things that most of us know somthing about.

Dawn - Thanks! I know how they see me! I was probably the pig. I worked with a bunch of Asian folks and I loved the food they brought in!

Budd - I was also that type for many years. Back then I couldn't boil water...

Rabbit - And that someone, would be me!

Ann - Thanks Ann!

Penny - I hear you about the drama. I knew a person who NEVER participated, but always waited until she thought everyone was done, and then ate. Like that makes a difference...

Brenda - Thanks! I know and if you put all those "nibbles" together, it would equal a huge meal...

Marlene - I wish I'd thought of that! I would also fall into that category. I figure if I go first, then by the time I'm done eating, the line will be down for my second helping. Thanks Marlene!

Lynne - Thanks so much! You don't have to mention names, they know who they are...

Tim - That is so funny! You are right, it's like if you leave food sitting out, it's fair game... Or they help themselves to whatever is in the fridge...

Wym said...

Really? No Fish? Talk about nerve. I happen to know I am a leech. I ALWAYS forget to bring something. Or, like in 7th grade, I forgot to cook the Jell-o I made for home ec. and ate everybody's ware while mine went down the drain...
AND I proudly have a wastebasket of candy wrappers.

Leovi said...

I'm so glad your back Pat, I hope you have resolved these outstanding issues. A return to humor. I enjoyed reading the post. Greetings

tapirgal said...

I've worked in offices other than my own for so few years of my life that it's hard to remember. I don't even remember any pot lucks - too bad. I like pot-lucks. I would be the one trying to eat sensibly, then complaining all afternoon about being stuffed because I didn't follow my own advice. I guess that would be "Eyes bigger than stomach," although stomach would be pretty big by the end of the meal! I also hate it when people think they can take home the "leftovers," like whoever brought or paid for them might not want to take them home or have the option of giving them away. At least ask!

Warren Zoell said...

Hmmmmmm

Brian said...

My Dad said he knows all of those folks...pursonally!

DavidV said...

Great post and great truths. I never think in this sort of person for a party. We all must participate. :-P

Very funny.

Greetings from Spain.

passionofthemom said...

LOL You also forgot the Tupperware Nazi...the one who will bring potluck food in their precious prized Tupperware container, and then spend the next 6 hours hovering over their container like it contains state secrets, to make sure NOBODY TOUCHES IT. I just use disposable foil!! LOL

DiamondsOnMySoles said...

ha ha! there's a guy in my office called chris leech - and he fulfills your description of a leech perfectly!! :)

Pat Tillett said...

Wym - I usually didn't bring in food, but where I worked there was the option of donating 5 dollars instead. I did that quite a few times. I proudly did the same with my candy wrappers!

Leovi - Thanks! I still have a lot going on. Will be busy for while. But, we got a lot done!

tapirgal - Oh yeah! I hate it when people beat me to the left overs! LOL...

Warren - Yes? You must fit in here somewhere my friend!

Brian - yep, i know all of them also.

David - Thanks David! Greetings to you as well...

passionofthemom - LOL! You are so right, I knew one of them...When i did take something, I usually made sure it was in somthing i didn't want back...

DiamondsOnMySoles - That is too funny! they are everywhere!

tapirgal said...

Yeah, we had known each other online a little bit and via her Christmas letters for about 15 years. My husband of a number of years ago visited her in the Philippines (I couldn't go), then she came to visit last spring for the first in-person meeting, and I ran out of gas taking her to the airport 2 hours away. Cool, huh? :)

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Oh how I hate potlucks..... I 'had' to go to so many of them through the years (working for a church) --that I got to the point that I hated them... I hated sitting around a table with people --some you knew and some you didn't---and chit chat..... HATE IT....

After I finally retired from my job, I haven't been to any potlucks since then...

But --I laughed at your description of the people.. I have a good friend who ALWAYS manages to take home lots of left-overs every time she goes to any kind of dinner... SO weird--since she is not a 'needy' person. She IS a hawk!!!!!! ha ha

Cute post, Pat.
Betsy

Darrin.. said...

Hmmmm... wonder which one I'm closest to? I always bring my famous meatballs and want EVERYONE to try them so I can watch them rant and rave about em'. I shamelessly sample everything, hoping to get ideas from other peoples creations and concoctions!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I think I've been all of those people at different times or, perhaps, at the same time. But I've never stuffed pizza into my purse. A handbag works best for that. Great, humorous post, Pat. xo

The Retired One said...

You nailed it! hahaaa I have seen every one of these types at our office parties over the years...there is also the "sampler" who tries everything and then brings nothing too. "Oh", they say..."I am not going to eat anything..I forgot to bring anything in...I just couldn't...well, ok..just a tiny sample of those beans then...and maybe a little spoon of that casserole"..etc. They end up with a plate and go back for second "small bites, just to try that dessert". ha

faye said...

I agree with Nat... The clones work here and the
exploding food in the microwave mess makes me want to
toss the microwave out the window... Guess it is a good
thing the break room doesn't have any ....

Bossy Betty said...

Welcome Back! I missed you!

What's to eat around here? Huh????

Clarissa Draper said...

This is so true, I think I'm in the list too. I'm the Hawk but I love zooming in on funerals best. They have the best leftovers. Also, it's best if attend funerals of people you don't know and make stuff up. How to find: follow lines of cars. :)

CD

Georgina Dollface said...

Oh yeah, these are all spot on! I'd add the double-dipper, which I think is pretty self-explanatory. I always, always avoid the chips and dips because the odds are that there is at least one double-dipper in every crowd. Oh, and don't forget the people who, when you ask, "Can you please pass the buns?" they pick a bun for you and then hand it to you with their BARE hands, instead of just passing the bread basket. Grrrr! - G

Chuck said...

We had an office pot luck today and had several leeches...I hate the people who sign up to bring cups and plates and then eat like a rescued POW! And then there is the guy who makes a gigantic cheap-ass aluminum pan full of some unknown crap no one will eat and then leaves the clean up crew to deal with it. It could just be all the left-overs in their fridge run through the food processor and dumped in a pan. Then they can eat everyone elses stuff guilt-free. Pricks.

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha Patrick! This has to be my favorite post of yours - all time! Really funny.

Put me in that bird category, but I have done them all at one point or another. The thing is, I will do ANYTHING for free food.

Warren Zoell said...

I think I'm a little of all of the above ;o)

Francisca said...

Well, I'm going to go against the grain here... I like pot lucks... but maybe I've been fortunate, they have not been office potlucks. I belong to a play reading club that gets together once a month and it's pot luck dinner and dessert, the dessert with coffee/tea served between acts 1 and 2. I just adore what everyone brings; it's such a tasty mish-mash of foods from different cultures (with a modicum of organizing from the host), and on these occasions I truly eat with abandon... as we all do, really. Just look at your photo: if each participant brings a huge dish like those, that means a LOT of food. The host for the month keeps what leftovers s/he wants and gives the rest back to the person who brought it. I have never witnessed any ill feelings. Another thing: in Asia it is quite normal and expected that leftovers are taken home, needy or not. More like waste-not-what-not. At some parties in Manila, the hostess will even prepare little take-home packages for each guest! I like that... a lot better than throwing good food in the trash bin.

Good to have you back, Pat. That was a short break... ;-)

[Kyoto roof tiles: looks like I was too busy looking up to see the decorative man-hole covers! Maybe tapirgal and I should go together and look for those! ;-) ]

Pat Tillett said...

tapirgal - Wow! what a story! All is well that ends well....

Betsy - I haven't been to one for quite a while myself. I've found a few more "types" in the comments here. Thanks Betsy...

Darrin - It did seem like there was someone who always had the best dish...meatballs sounds good!
Thanks for stopping by!

Robyn - Thanks Robyn! it could have been worse, she could have had a clutch...

Joan - Oh yeah! I can think of a couple of those folks right now. One of them has probably read this! LOL...

faye - Some people just don't care about it at all...Nasty stuff!

Betty - Thanks! How about some 7-layer dip?

Clarissa - Oh that is too funny (and evil)! you are right though.

Georgina - Man, I totally forgot about them! yeah i like to get to the dip early, and put some on my plate...

Chuck - There is always somebody that wants to take the easy way out! That particular dish sounds like something I'm not touching.

Cheeseboy - Why thanks! Maybe a week off did me good. I agree, free food and I'm there...

Warren - Me too, at one time or another.

Francisca - my wife worked in a place with about 12 employees. they were almost all asian and from several different countries. They had some awesome potlucks. I always managed to sniff them out...
I worked with a bunch of filipinos and they really know how to put out a spread. At work or at home!
Thanks! It's good to be back. I'm still busy as heck though! next time in japan, look down...

Minoccio said...

Whenever we order something in our office, I always eat more of it than everyone else... I think people hate me for that but I can't help it. What type would I be?
I also leave a mess, which makes me a bird.

Biana said...

Hahahahah!!! Omg, this is hilarious!!! :D. So well observed and described!

Talli Roland said...

Hilarious, Pat! I think I've worked with every one of these types! Especially the one that stinks up the kitchen with the fish...

Joe Cap said...

Okay, Pat, I admit it...I have been guilty of many of those at one time or another!

Toni said...

I'm the leech...I admit it BUT I always forget to bring my food in. I mean to, I do. I make notes, mark the calendar, and still I forget. I will leave it in the fridge or on the counter then drive all the way to another county and remember that I forgot it. However, I will still eat what everybody else brings while holding my middle finger to the wind as if to say, "Screw you! I eat anyway!". Don't hate me because I'm a leech.

Oz Girl said...

The funniest things are funny because they are based in reality. I've known all of these food personality types. Esp the leech. Taking the leech a step further, they will help themselves to anything in the office refrigerator. Infuriating to say the least - I've learned to put my name on anything that is mine, and sometimes even that is not enough!

Marguerite said...

This post made me laugh! I know all of these types well, since I'm the one who usually organizes the office potlucks. Nice spread, I wouldn't mind working in that office!

Jhon Baker said...

This is largely why I stopped eating anything at work until I started to run Cafes - in which, you cannot avoid food.

Ashley King said...

you forgot to say that once i caught her taking the pizza and said, "oh, you're more than welcome to take a few slices home," she quickly whipped her head around and said, "i'll pay you!!!!!" hahahahaha that was probably the best part....

BUUUUURRRRRNNN!

i wanted to do the finger snap and say MO.TED!

Pat Tillett said...

Minoccio - I'm not sure! I know there must be one though. I need to think...

Biana - Thanks! Thinking about it makes me hungry.

Talli - Fish in the microwave is the worst! Thanks Talli

Joe - I suppose I may have been also Joe.

Toni - They may not hate you, but you KNOW they are talking about you!

Oz Girl - True! real life is the funniest of all. I forgot about the tupperwear thiefs...

Marguerite - Thanks! That office is almost all asian, so there is some really good food and a good variety of it!

Jhon - Oh man! Running a cafe would cause me to weigh about 300 pounds...

Ashley - You are right! Leave it to me to forget the best details! It was a burn on her, but didn't she try to take something else also?

baygirl32 said...

what do we call the one who always steals lunches out of the fridge? better yet, how do we catch them..

Pat Tillett said...

baygirl - That would be the guy with black eye, if I caught him taking my food. I'm gonna have to think about that one...i haven't run across that type yet.

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

THis one was worth waiting for! So glad you are back in form.

Did you know we had 3 "GHOSTS" turn up at the funeral reception we held this summer? Unbelievable!! Of course, we served delish food, so word gets around.

I think I fit into several of your categories, depending on the day, the season, my mood, my weight, whatever. You must have a degree in human behavioural psychology, or something.

Rosemary

Lynda Young said...

lol, I laughed out loud over The Saboteur. Plus re the fish eater, I used to have a boss who brought in her stinky cod every day for lunch and ate it at her desk. Shudder.

Pat Tillett said...

Rosemary - Those ghosts will show up just about anywhere there is food!

Lynda - Thanks! There used to be a lady who wouldn't stop with the fish, so we took the micro out!

Jimmy said...

I think each of these types worked in my office, funny about the Ghost because we had those who didn't even work there but ended up in the break room when food was there.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I can see myself being a ghost or a leech if I worked in a office. I love food too much and I have no shame. You are very wise ye Pat.

Cake Betch said...

I used to work with a guy whose contribution was always a single can of Pringles chips. It got to be that it was pretty much a joke that he'd always bring Pringles. When he was confronted about it his reply was, "What? I like Pringles."

He was told to bring something different for the Christmas party that year, so he looked up recipes for cookies and found one that you make with Pringles. They were horrendous. Lol

Pat Tillett said...

Jimmy - oh yeah, I remember one time some contractors who were working on our parking lot sniffed our potluck out and came in to eat. Amazing! BTW, they were send packing, with empty stomachs...

PTM - I can't say I was always perfect myself! I usually managed to sniff out another units potluck from about 100 yards away...

Cake Betch - That's an amazing story! I used to really love pringles myself! During one period I ALWAYS brought egg rolls from my local Chinese place. I'm sure folks got tired of them also.

Copyboy said...

Before my diet I was either 1 or 2 or a bit of both. Never knew a Saboteur existed. Only met one Hawk that was promptly fired.

Pam said...

Quite amusing and something you'll never read on a Kindle, Pat.

Sarah said...

Thankfully, I am none of these. Of course, the people who are these probably think the same thing. Haha.

Pat Tillett said...

Jesse - I could never be a 2! Eating is my favorite pastime.
I guess I've been a hawk at least a few times

Pam - Well, you actually can read it on Kindle! there are a couple of different ways. Especially if you get the top shelf model.

Sarah - I hadn't thought about it, but this post is kind of like my post of "neighborhood" nicknames. Who knows what the other people at work call us, when it comes to potlucks?

The Illustrious D said...

I like-a dees.

My personal bane is the person that dumps a bag of tostitos and jar of salsa in front of all the lovingly prepared goodies and thinks it's an equal effort.

What a dbag.

Pat Tillett said...

TID - Hey there! Yep! There are always a couple of those... And then they don't even eat any of them...

Entre Nous said...

Aw, this is adorable and actually makes me miss work. We had a Ghost who used to eat everyone's lunch, as well as the food brought into the PD during Holidays. The great thing was a female coworker [who was bigger than him, and a whole lot more intimidating than I] caught him eating her TV Dinner.

It got ugly , but he never touched my yogurt again!

I admit to being the one who brought in food every night, and kept a jug of candy full on my console. Cops need candy. They need the boost of energy, or sometimes just the diversion. But I did eat the stuff myself. Unfortunately I never got huge, much to my chagrin. My goal was Victorian Matronly, sigh. I remain humbly yours, a stick figure... :}

Pat Tillett said...

Entre Nous - Oh yeah! Lunch stealers. Now that is a dispicable human being. I always had black licorice on my desk. it was safe because it seems like nobody likes it these days. I have five kids and non of them like it either. NOBODY touches my candy!

J.C. Martin said...

*LOL* Very true. Well observed!

Pat Tillett said...

J.C. - Thanks! These people are everywhere!

Jenny said...

Crap. I can't believe you outed me.

Not sincerely,
A secret eater

Pat Tillett said...

Jenny - So sorry! I think I outed a lot of people!

Pat Tillett said...

Jenny - So sorry! I think I outed a lot of people!