Most Feared Thing Not Involving a Phobia

The thing I fear most, is losing my memories, my mind, and being forgotten. I feel fine, but something is different.

Words, names, places, and people, are disappearing. Everything is harder to find, it's slowly slipping away.  I know it's a normal part of aging, but either way, it still scares the hell out of me. Words, arguments, discussions, and stories, that's who I am. Without my own history, in my own mind, I'll have nothing.

I'm frantic about getting it all down in writing and hope I don't run out of time. I feel that I've lost a lot of my "life" stories already and I don’t know where to find them.

I've always felt that you never really die until people forget about you.  I'm not afraid of death, I'm really not afraid of it at all.  I'm afraid that I'll be forgoten.

Clowns, Hallways, and Deep Water Phobias

photo source wikipedia

photo owner unknown

Everybody is afraid of something, right? I’m not talking about things like death, judgment day, guns, bullies, speaking in public, or a thousand other things. I’m also not talking about the multitude of (you fill in the blank) “phobias” that are out there. Now that I think about it, there just might be a “phobia” type prefix relating to the three things that are on my mind. I’ll be right back after a quick visit to Google.  (theme from Jeopardy playing softy in the background, while I look)
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DOH!  Another fine example of me not knowing what the hell I’m talking about.

Coulrophobia: An abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns or mimes.

Bathophobia: People suffering from this phobia may fear deeply dimensioned volumes, like long, dark hallways, wells, deep pools, or lakes.

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Coulrophobia:
Let’s start with clowns. Do not "bring in the clowns." I hate clowns! I’m afraid of clowns! I don’t think clowns are funny at the circus, and I don’t think clowns are funny at a birthday party.  I don’t think clowns are funny at any time. Clowns are inherently evil.

Most children and adults love, or at least like clowns, but there are some of us who don’t. There are some of us who cringe at the mere thought of one. The garish face paint, those ridiculous shoes, and that fake evil smile. Smiling at me, mocking me…

There have been plenty of movies released featuring an evil clown as the primary character. Even “Chucko the clown” scared the heck out of me when I was young. Chucko was one of the hottest things on “kid’s” TV, back in the day. This should clearly indicate to you the depth of my feelings.   Now you're mocking me...

Hallway Bathophobia:
I don’t know how many pictures of long hallways, I've taken through the years. But it’s been a truckload.  I can’t explain exactly why they scare me.  But I do know that when I look towards the far end of a long hallway, I sometimes feel like I’m looking down, instead of straight ahead. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem using hallways, I just have a slight case of the willies, when I do so alone. What’s at the other end of the hallway? What’s coming down the hallway towards me? Is the hallway getting longer? Am I going to "fall into" the hallway? Am I getting even crazier?

Depth Bathophobia:
I’m certainly not afraid of baths, boats, or being in the water. I’m a good swimmer; I’ve surfed and done a lot of scuba diving. I can tread water forever! But If I can’t touch the bottom of whatever I’m swimming in, I sometimes get this eerie feeling, that something is going to come up from the depths and brush my foot, touch my foot, bite my foot, or grab my foot. And then it is going to pull me under. I get the same sensation when sitting on a surfboard, floating on the surface, feet down in scuba gear, or treading water in my own damn swimming pool.

I don’t know if it’s going to be a hand that grabs me, a tentacle, a set of jaws, or the frigging creature from the black lagoon. Have you ever jumped off a boat in the middle of the ocean, or a lake, to swim, cool off, or take a pee “check the prop?”  I've done those things many times, but I usually feel ill at ease when I do so, especially when I'm the only one in the water.

We are lucky enough to have our own backyard pool. We spend a lot of time in and around it, during nice weather. I like to sit on a basketball when in the water. When doing so, all but my head and shoulders are under water. I’m pretty good at keeping my balance on it, and it’s very relaxing. Right up until the time that I get that feeling…

Freaking Spam

Because of the large numbers of "spam" comments being submitted to blogs, I'm going to have to look at all comments before they show up on the page. I hate to do this, but there are of course, idiots everywhere!
I still desire and welcome comments from my friends and readers and promise not to alter them in any way.

thanks

pat