Monday, May 2, 2011

Dogs Are Sociopaths -- Part 3 -- Vandalism

Most dogs will destroy anything they can get their teeth into. This is especially true if no one is home to stop them. A bone or that special “chew toy” just isn't enough. They want to chew on something that belongs to you instead. Your furniture and clothing are good. Your newspapers, magazines and books are great. Your shoes, glasses, toothbrush, dentures, or collectibles are fantastic. If a dog can get to a box or bag of food, forget about it! It will tear it open and scatter the contents all over the room. If you are lucky enough to walk in and catch them in the act, they will have the unmitigated nerve NOT to be sorry, guilty, or even remotely afraid! No. they will still want to jump on you, lick you, and be taken for a walk.

Don’t EVER leave a can of spray paint sitting around when you go someplace; you’ll probably come home to some type of demented canine graffiti. Many dogs are vandals…

.

38 comments:

baygirl32 said...

I tried to click on many dogs are vandals, hoping for a glimpse of some canine graffiti! ( will be extra cautious not to lave any spray cans around, Bean might get some ideas)

Budd said...

I think I will start an art business selling canine painted canvases from chewed up spray cans. Oh, I will sell the cans as well as sculptures.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Never came home to graffiti, but did find the coffee table legs missing once. And a hole in the floor.

Bossy Betty said...

Are you just TRYING to get me, and most of America riled up? Hummm..... It's working!

I think you should have some posts about the superior nature of the feline species. Meow.

Sally in WA said...

You must own quite the beast! I'm still laughing at the antics of such a crazy canine. Graffiti. Only through experience can this shared with those who haven't. Who'd a thunk? LOL!

Pat Tillett said...

baygirl - Darn it! I should have thought of that! "Bean," what a cute name!

Budd - You could make millions.

Alex - Was your dog looking for firewoood?

Bossy Betty - People can't HANDLE the truth! I will be coming forward with the truth about cats later on...

Sally - No dogs in our house currently! I do get to see a lot of them because my wife transports rescues all over the southern part of the state.

The Empress said...

Dogs.

Dogs.
They will never disappoint and will always take it a step further than you could ever imagine.

Jhon Baker said...

dogs are the dogs of the animal universe.

Laura Delegal - Leroy Photography said...

You're so quirky with such a wonderful perspective. LOL!

Ren- Lady Of The Arts said...

Stayed at a friends last week and he had a dog that ate all of his shoes.

Ms. A said...

Never had the spray paint or graffiti, but plenty of other issues. Even so, I still miss my dogs!

Phillip Marais said...

Cats can be more destructive than dogs, you only need to look at my Lounge suite.

What's the difference between your wife and your dog?

Your dog is always happy to see you.

I have four + a cat and I love them all.

Love your blog!

Copyboy said...

I'm telling you man, GPs do the same thing!! Eating machines!

Lolamouse said...

Two of them together are even worse! I think they conspire and I don't know which one to blame. Maybe I need to use DNA pawprinting to ID the culprit.

Tiger85 said...

This is funny. I have come home to many interesting scenes. Thanks for sharing. =)

Poetry, Quotes and Book Reviews.

Marlene said...

Hey hey now....my little canine companion just likes to lick the hell out of pillows. (We have to keep him out of the bedroom when we're not in there, or the pillows end up all slobbery and wet....BLECCH!)

Random Thinker said...

Our labrador got into a box of paint pellets used for paint guns. Non toxic but they didn't agree with him so he barfed blue vomit for days. That's vandalism if you ask me.

Tiger85 said...

Wonderful post and it's pretty funny. I have memories of coming home to surprises from our dogs. Have a great week. =)

Poetry, Quotes and Book Reviews.

faye said...

Many times I would come home and find the TV blaring.. because
the little schnauzer had been
chewing on the remote.

Pearl said...

Little known fact: many dogs are also mixed martial art masters.

It's true.

Pearl

Sharon Wagner said...

Your photo over at Joan's blog is definitely not for the dogs. Very nice.

m. said...

I've come home many times to find Scout has "helped" sort the laundry. Luckily, she's become less of a chewer and more of a drag-it-all-over-the-house pupster.

Cheeseboy said...

Good advice to keep in mind. I like dogs, but will never own one. No I have more reason for this.

Marguerite said...

I've had more than my share of dogs and I'm currently, happily dogless! I agree with everything you say about them. They are the pits! LOL

Jenny said...

Hmmm...and here I was considering getting another dog...

Caleb said...

Hey Pat!

Cake was right- great blog. I got wrapped up in about 5 Vietnam stories (fire extinguishers really work?) but thought I'd leave a comment somewhere to say hey!

Caleb

Lucy said...

Even worse - is the idea of coming home to find a dog wearing your dentures.

Lucy

Chuck said...

You got this one soooo right. My two dogs are insane. The younger female has stealthily chewed the leg of a wooden coffee table to the size of a toothpick. She eats the leaves off the ficus tree in the living room...and every day she manages to remove the couch cover off the couch and make a pile of it in the middle of the living room! And if she is left a free path to the laundry room...all the clothes on the floor get drug out all over the house. Then she sits there with that look you've seen in the pictures I've posted. What can you do??

John McElveen said...

Canine graffiti----- LOLOLOLOLOL!

You are the best!

J

Martha Z said...

But if you can wait until they're three things usually improve.

Pat Tillett said...

Empress - Yep! they are consistent, that's for sure!

Jhon - And they shall always be dogs...

Laura - Thanks Laura! more to come!

Ren - Must have been some tasty leather! I'll be at your place in a bit!

Ms A - I like dogs, but they can always be counted on to make our homes crazy...

Phillip - thanks Phillip! We have four cats also. We also have 5 different scratching posts leather furniture (so they won't scratch on them). I'm happy to say that ours do no damage...

Jesse - GPs? Grandparents?

Lola - I'm thinking maybe a portable Polygraph machine...

Tiger85 - I hear that! Also, the longer you are gone, the more crazy the things you will find are.

Marlene - Hey hey now, right back at you! See...Even the little sweet ones act like crazy spoiled children!

Random Thinker - THAT'S FUNNY! Too bad there weren't more colors, his barf would have been technicolor!

faye - that's funny! He was probably watching Oprah!

Pearl - I belive it! I also believe that cats are ninja...

Sharon - thanks so much Sharon! Your photo is amazing! Love those colors...

m. - That "scout" is such a cutie that she was probably just helping with the chores!

Marguerite - They sure can cause us some angst! BUT, some of them can be darn cute (as long as they belong to somebody else).

Jenny - NO!!! Get an indoor cat instead...

Caleb - Hey there! Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Yeah, rife extinguishers really do work! Especially for cooling off beer! I'll be over to check out your blog!

Lucy - Or even worse, your underwear!

Chuck - It sounds like she is on a mission! What have you done to piss her off? I guess you gotta give her some slack, because she is so darn cute!

John - thanks so much my friend!

Martha Z - Let's see...that's 21 in human years! maybe you're right!

Betty Manousos@ Cut and Dry said...

pretty funny post, Pat.

it brings me memories of coming home to some weird surprises from my dog, named tara, a collie.

Ms. Becky said...

you've sized them up well - friends have related similar horror stories. I've only had outdoor dogs, so I'm unfamiliar with their lunacy!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

How come when they chew your brand new shoes, they only destroy one, so that you are left with one perfectly good,lonely only to remind you of the pain?????
My dog's biggest joy is when he finds my knitting....on more than one occassion I have found a ball of yarn that has travelled under beds, around corners to other rooms and down a flight of stairs to a second level of horrible.
I still love him, but I'm weird that way.
Rosemary

SquirrelQueen said...

Okay, now I have this image stuck in my head of a group of canine taggers. There they go running through the neighborhood with their cans of spray paint, no wall is safe!

sue said...

I think I got here from the reflections apology you made on Lee's blog - just wanted to say you omitted that they'll also chew your NEW expensive multifocal specs if given half the chance, and not even have the grace to look even remotely ashamed. Water colour paint tubes are also attractive for some reason. Sue

TS Hendrik said...

There was one instance where my sister was in a rush and didn't think about her dog as she left a bottle of ibuprofen on a low counter. When she came back, the dog had gnawed through it, eaten all the pills and then thrown up a huge purple puddle on the floor. Just lucky it didn't kill itself.

Baby Sister said...

My sister has a little dog, and seeing her townhome after he's claimed his territory...makes me crazy!!