Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Coffin Full of Hate

Coffin full of hate
Coffin full of emptiness
You lived your life as a crucible
They all feel pain for you now
But they don’t know
Who you really were
I was there
When your spirit left
I felt it fly away
It blew through me
Like an ice cold wind

Casket borne
Peaceful now
They line up
To take a glimpse
I view you not the same as them
For I knew your pitiful walnut heart
And even if I must conceal it
They won’t catch me crying
Softness for you?
It need not seek haven in my heart
There’s no place for it

You hid your face
From all but me
Projecting a facade
For them to see

You are no more to me now
Than I was to you then
Nothing...

------------
another very old one...

.

60 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That's really sad.

Cake Betch said...

Powerful, Pat. You write beautiful poetry.

Dawn said...

That is written from a very open heart, and one full of mixed emotions I'm sure.
Or not?
It's a sad way for it to end....wishing it would have been a different scenario for you.

Nat said...

It may be old, but still very powerful Pat.

Budd said...

ouch!

Budd said...

ouch!

Miss Becky said...

wow. that's a whole lot of bitterness and pain. I hope this isn't autobiographical Pat. but then, even if it is...it's clear you've moved on. we've each of us carried around a few heavy suitcases of junk and doesn't it feel oh-so-good when we know it's alright, it's time...we can leave them sitting by the side of the road? have a beautiful day my poet friend.

Oilfield Trash said...

Another fine poem Pat.

Clarissa Draper said...

Wow, another touching poem. We're like that as people. We act one way with strangers but our families know who we really are and sometimes the reality isn't pretty. Nice.

Bossy Betty said...

Another powerful one....

Bare bilder - Pictures only said...

Patrick, this could have been written about a person I know. The words reaches me, and I think it's well written.
Thanks for sharing strong words my friend.
Greetings and a warm hug,
from Berit.

Baby Sister said...

Again, very well done. I love how deep they are.

diane rene said...

wow. very telling, Pat. thanks again!

Pat Tillett said...

Alex - thanks Alex!

Cake Betch - thanks so much!

Dawn - There were some mixed emotions. The kind that come from not wanting things to be the way they were. I wish it could have ended differently also, but that just couldn't happen.

Nat - thanks Nat!

Budd - It was an ouch back in the day, much water under the bridge now.

Miss Becky - It is about me and my mom. I've dealt with it all over the years (with some help) and it has no real impact on me now. Or at least not as much... thanks Becky!

Oilfield Trash - thanks so much!

Clarissa - My mom was a master at it. Even those who seemed to "like" her were intimidated or manipulated into doing so. thanks!

Bossy Betty - Thanks Betty!

Berit - Thanks! Strong feelings usually lead to strong words. Stay warm!

Baby Sister - Thanks so much! Deep feelings.

diane - My pleasure! thanks!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

I don't know how you express pain so eloquently but you do, Pat. xoRobyn

Rabbit said...

I was startled by the tears this one drew. I didn't even know they were there. Your art is so stark and evocative that I often feel like I am bearing witness to something I shouldn't be seeing. Tremendous piece. Absolutely tremendous. Thank you.

Naturedigital said...

Verses hitting like bullets.
Thank you Patrick.
Costas

becca said...

sad, heartfelt and powerful

Talei said...

This one says so much, really strong feelings. Nicely done Pat. Totally understand this one. ;-)

Brian said...

Sometimes looking back clears ones vision of tomorrow.

Lynda R Young said...

wow, great piece. love the walnut heart.

DiamondsOnMySoles said...

Aww this is so sad. And so honest of you. It must take some courage to be so open and honest about your feelings back then.

Pam said...

I hope it was a healing process for you to write this, Pat.
I'm sure nothing will ever take away all of the youngens pain.. but hopefully it will wane with age.

be well, be happy
Pam

Leovi said...

Deep and sad poem, while beautiful.Saludos

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Your poetry is evocative Pat. If it's autibiographical, I am sorry, but glad you have overcome early troubles.
Here is a link to the RV resort website (you asked a question about it in a comment)http://www.upriver.com/index.html
(Hope the link will work).

One Woman's Thoughts said...

Your words are a heavy dark blanket thrown over me.
I cry and get no air.

The truest words go to our hearts.

Powerfully emotional.

Leovi said...

Sincere and deep feelings, a beautiful poem.

Chuck said...

Pat you have a real talent for this as I have said for some time. Very intense and powerful. I had to read it a couple of times.

Lolamouse said...

I remember reading this one somewhere before, maybe on one of Rabbit's sites? It's so sad, heartbreaking. Perhaps cathartic to get the feelings out?

Katsidhe said...

This very much struck a cord in me because there is something familiar about it.

Brilliant work, Pat.~

faye said...

This unlocks so many emotions for me.
I can relate to this so easily.
An event 20 years ago when my father
passed.

Owen said...

Catharsis through poetry, excellent therapy, I'm a firm believer.

An infinity of sadness, this is not how it was meant to be, just the way it was.

Marlene said...

Wow. You know that I've said a lot of poetry, I don't really "get"....and therefore, it often loses me after the first line or two. (What can I say...short attention span?)

This, however....spoke volumes. I get it. I feel you....and I feel for you. What a powerful piece of writing. *hugs*

The Retired One said...

So very powerful, Pat. My heart aches everytime I think of what she missed in knowing the wonderful you that you are. It certainly was HER loss....

N. R. Williams said...

Sad but well crafted poem.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, Special .99 through April 30

Copyboy said...

It's amazing how the echos of your past fuel such captivating writings.

#1Nana said...

Raw emotion, but I'm not sure I believe that she is no more to you than you were to her then. Can someone with so much heart evident in his writing close off emotions? This one is pretty powerful!

Pat Tillett said...

Robyn - Lot's of practice!

Rabbit - Thanks so much Micael! I appreciate the nice words. When people actually "feel" what we write, that's the payoff...

I used to write about this stuff, but you are right, NOBODY was allowed to read it, or even hear about it. I had to get over it, before that could happen. Thanks again!

Naturedigital - Hope you had a bullet proof vest on! thanks Costas!

becca - Thanks so much becca! I appreciate it...

Talei - Thanks Talei! I appreciate the nice words.

Brian - That is so true! I had to look back a lot...

Lynda - Thanks so much Lynda! That's what the lady had...

DiamondsOMS - My therapy than courage! I had a lot of it! thanks!

Pam - I'm happy to say that the pain is pretty much gone. It took a long time to be able to say that. Most of my life in fact.

Leovi - thanks so much Leovi! Saludos!

Sallie - Hey, doesn't kill you, makes you dysfunctional! thanks for the wesite! I appreciate it!

OWT - Whew! thanks so much for feeling this. I TRULY appreciate the fact that you did...

Chuck - Thanks so much my friend!
Also, thanks for supporting me here for so long!

Lolamouse - thanks Lola! I posted it here a long time ago and got two comments and from my 4 followers. I've pretty much got all the feelings out on it. But I can pick the scab every once in a while if I need to get to that place.

Katsidhe - thanks so much! If it struck a chord, then we are in tune!

faye - Sometimes we need them to be unlocked, let 'em air out for a while! Otherwise things sit there and fester...

Owen - It sure has worked for me! that and many years of therapy! thanks so much Owen!

Marlene - Well then, I REALLY appreciate that you get it. Thanks my friend...

Joan - Thanks Joan! She probably looked at it as a victory. I was male, therefore, I was the enemy...

N.R. - thanks so much!

Jesse - Yeah, I have a whole pile of dark and gloom and pain to inspire me! I'm happy to say that I don't dwell there, but I can get to it if try very hard... Thanks Jesse!

Pat Tillett said...

#1nana - I had to turn the emotions off because it was dangerous to have them. Or at least it was dangerous to show them! Thanks so much!

Lucy Corrander said...

I read it without knowing it was about your mother. It left me puzzled but with an uncomfortable 'glug' feeling inside. Having read the comments and replies, the pictures which come from the words are clearer but there's a smoothing of the edges too. It's a poem that is much richer for knowing a little of its context.

Lucy

Ms. Anthropy said...

Your words and the way you use them, speaks volumes!

I've missed you!

. said...

"For I knew your pitiful walnut heart.."

Powerful words about someone who is unfeeling and hard.
Strong poem , Pat!!

Nat said...

PS I have an award for you on my blog, Pat :-)

Ree said...

Powerful and sad.

Jayne said...

This is very powerful, and ever so sad. Sometimes writing poetry allows some of that pain to unlock... I hope writing these words helped you in some way.

Pat Tillett said...

Lucy - Thanks Lucy! I could probably make it all clearer if I posted some of the family stories gain. Some of them are pretty long and I don't want to make people read all that. I'm going to think about it though...

Ms A - HEY THERE!!! I miss you also! I just checked your blog yesterday or the day before, to see if you had posted something!


. - .! Now that's an interesting name. thanks so much (L)! Unfeeling and hard, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard about my mom...

Nat - thanks so much Nat! I've already been over by now!

Ree - Thanks! This is one I had to try and "recreate" after all my writings were lost. I think the original had more anger in it!

Jayne - I agree! I really don't write much about "happy." I'm more of a dark-side person overall anyway. It does still help though. thanks!

baygirl32 said...

ouch

Tess Kincaid said...

I love the notion of a walnut being like a coffin. Dark and delicious.

Cheeseboy said...

Wow. Creepy and powerful. Wondering if this is based after a real person.

Pat Tillett said...

baygirl - It sure was at the time!

Tess - Thanks Tess! I appreciate it!

Cheeseboy - It was indeed! The dead one was my mom and the "I" one was me... Thanks!

John McElveen said...

Pat-- Thanks for sharing such a vulnerable and painful area of yourself. I guess that had to be about your Mother? Sorry If I'm wrong, but I kinda know how much pain she left you with.

Hugs my Friend. You Sir, are the real deal!

John---and Proud to call you a Friend!!!!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Pat, We are home from a short trip to celebrate G's birthday... I'll share photos soon...

Guess what we found when we got home?????? SNOW here... Gads---guess ole man winter is not finished with us yet...

That poem was about you and your mother. Right???? I think it's good that you can write and get your feelings out through your poetry...

Betsy

Marguerite said...

Very heavy poem and so sad. Look forward, not back!

Anthony J Langford said...

Wow.. thats heavy man.. I can guess who it's about.
A good poem. And cathartic I guess..?... It's a great forum for exploring the darker emotions..
I'd like to say well done, but doesnt seem appropriate.. Its well written nevertheless...Sorry that you feel that way.

Pat Tillett said...

John - Yep, it was my mother! Thanks so much John, I really appreciate it...

Betsy - Can't wait to see your photos! Snow? Again? Wow... thanks Betsy!

Marguerite - Thanks Anthony! I agree about poetry being a great vehicle to express things. I feel great now! Water under the bridge.

California Girl said...

I guess it was probably about your mother. I read through the comments & replies so as not to have to ask. This is not only powerful in its sorrow but beautiful in its anger.

Belle said...

Very moving. You are a talented poet. It made me think of my husband when he went to his step-father's funeral. He said, "I just wanted to make sure he was dead."

Pam Tucker said...

Your poetry is so honest and moving, Pat. I hope you continue to share it. Thank you.

Rekha said...

The bitterness is there but not in a harsh way...sad, painful yet beautiful...I will definitely remember this one decades later when my ex husband goes away....

Random Thinker said...

How beautiful and sad. Was it cathartic?