Monday, March 29, 2010

Geese and Snakes



Fear was our primary motivator growing up. One of the worst things you could do to my mom, is put her out. That most certainly included getting out of bed at night. I NEVER committed that sin.

When I was pre-school age, my mom hung a framed picture of some geese on the wall near the foot of my bed. She told me that if I got out of bed, those geese would come out of the picture and get me. If the geese didn’t get me, the “night snakes” under my bed would. I was terrified. To this day, it’s the most alone and afraid I’ve ever been. I was deeply terrified, but didn’t have anybody to talk to about it, or to help me. To make it worse, I had to sleep with the door closed and the light off.

Did you ever stare at something in the dark for a long time? After awhile it seems to start moving? Well, the geese in the picture moved every night. I’d have to pull the covers over my head, and roll up into as small a ball as I could. I went to sleep terrified every night. When I finally did fall asleep, I had the most terrible nightmares. They usually involved me being chased by wolves, or me in a room with snakes and geese all around me. No wonder I was so sick all the time.

You know how your kids sometimes come to your bed in the middle of the night, and want to crawl in because they are afraid or spooked? I didn’t have that option. Not only would I have had to make it by the geese and snakes, I’d be sent right back to bed, probably with a bloody lip or worse.

This is giving me freaking chicken skin right now. I can almost feel myself under the covers, shivering with night fright. Deathly afraid of what was in my room (snakes and geese) and equally afraid of what was outside my room (my mother).

You know how some people say things like, “your parents did the best they could” without really knowing the circumstances?

That is such a load of crap.....

14 comments:

  1. Sorry dude. That's so sad - sounds like maybe you still have issues. My parents weren't perfect, but I wish more people had parents like them - they were cards, but good people - maybe I'll write about that on my blog sometime. Hope you keep visitin'. Love your photos on your other blog.

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  2. Seriously, I'm fine. I had to do a lot of work to get that way, but I'm good. Great family, no real issues, cruising along.
    thanks for reading and commenting!

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  3. Wow! I know if I did that to my kids they would never want to enter their room again! Sounds very traumatic.
    Love your blog! Thanks for visiting mine!

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  4. It got worse before it got better! Yup, mom was a real peach of a woman! It was traumatic, it didn't kill me, and it did in fact make me stronger!
    Thanks for reading and commenting.
    I love your blog also. A world different than mine, but a good world...

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  5. mrscolombo@yahoo.comFebruary 23, 2010 at 9:38 PM

    I've been told that when people are diagnosed with cancer, they enter a different world (and I'm told "You don't want to be in that world"...I know I don't). People who are abused as children (physically, sexually, or emotionally) grow up in a different world. You can work through the abuse and come out the other side; healthy, strong and happy. But, it doesn't change the facts.

    It is what it is.

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  6. It was certainly a different reality.
    One of those watershed events I spoke about earlier, was when I found out that everybody's mom and home life wasn't just like mine.

    To be blunt, I was f'd up well into adulthood.

    thanks so much for your input!!!!

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  7. Awe! I am so sorry. I love when my girls climb in bed with me. Gosh I don't even know what to say. I know my Mom used to hate it if we tried to get into her bed too. I am glad you came out of it OK!

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  8. Thanks Christie, everything is great!

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  9. When I was a kid we would visit the family farm and every freakin' animal there scared the hell out of me. So I know of the demon goose of which you speak.

    Everyday we would go to the small store in a nearby down. It was heaven. You could buy whatever you wanted. I got a stack of bubble gum cards and one of the packs was for the show 'Dark Shadows'. Inside was a little poster of Barnabos Collins with his pointed teeth that I was in love with. When I got home to the base I hung it up on my wall.

    Unfortunately I hung it directly over the basement vent. So at night the light from the basement illuminated the picture and only the picture and I could hear muffled voices or muffled dryer. I was terrified everynight and too stupid to realize the connection and move the picture.

    Soon my Baba came for a visit and got rid of it while cleaning my room. I never spoke of it or complained at all. Freakin' TV vampires.

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  10. Barnabas Collins. Oh yeah, I remember him. Crap, that had to be scary!
    I was in the military when that series ran, but I remember hearing that it caused quite a stir. I got to watch them on tape years later and was surprised to find out that there were ghosts, zombies, and vampires also...too cool!

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  11. Chicken skin?

    Man, talk about generational divide....

    We call it goose bumps ; )

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  12. I would be scared too. I made sure that my toes were covered by the sheets so no monster could get them. I figured if they were covered, they were safe.

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  13. soft nonsense - I say goose bumps, my kids say chicken skin...maybe you're on my side of the generation gap!LOL

    PTM - I thought about that later. Like a sheet was gonna save me!

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  14. night fears, still haunt me... memories of childhood fears. parents make it tough, or at least not understanding. as a child we are seeing things for the first time, nightmares are always the first time... for me at least bad dreams were normal things, i learned to control what i dream the best i could. not always working... geese and snakes... argh.

    thanks for sharing!
    iZombie

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