Dancing with the Scars - Things to Watch For

The show comes on in a few hours, so I better get this posted now.

I finally decided how I could come to terms with commenting on this show (at least one more time), when I really don’t watch them dance, or even really like it. When I "accidentally" watch parts of it, I ask questions about what I’m seeing and thinking. The women watching it at my house all ignore me, or say sweet things like "piss off!" or "shut the hell up!” or “don’t you have some tire pressure or something to check?”  They can banish me, they can try to stifle me, but I won’t go to the garage quietly. There are things I need to know:

When will Pamela Anderson and Shannen Doherty finally duke it out?  They can’t stand each other and the word from backstage, is that there is a lot of tension because they apparently shared multiple partners in the past.  In fact, both of these bargain basement trollops ladies were married to Rick Salomon. I’m thinking by week four, there’s going to be an all out skank-fight. Seriously, which one of these two “ladies,” has "known" the most male celebs? (and yes, I do mean it in the biblical sense!)

Will Pamela even make it to week four? Will she be kicked off the show for improper off-hours cavorting with members of the band? Is there a musician alive who can resist, when she starts waving around those robust and rock hard.... fake eyelashes? (more than one rock star has suffered corneal abrasions to those things)

How many weeks will it take for Kate Gosselin to get fed up and start ordering crew members around? What’s the difference between her and OctoMom anyway? Aren’t both of them really just attention loving media whores at this point?

Is there really any difference between Buzz Aldrin and Cloris Leachman? Not much really, except I think Buzz has had far more cosmetic surgery. Speaking of cosmetic surgery, is Buzz playing cosmetic surgery “one-upmanship” against his own wife? Seriously, I haven’t seen anything like those two since the “King Tut” exhibit was in town. whatever happened to growing old gracefully?

Do you think Chad Ochocinco has already danced on the horizontal plane, in addition to the vertical, with his partner Cheryl Burke? Did you know he has his own line of condoms? That’s right! “Ocho-Cinco Condoms.“ What the heck, she’s rumored to have horizontally danced with most of her other partners on the show… Or so I've been told...