Monday, March 29, 2010

Dancing with the Scars - Things to Watch For

The show comes on in a few hours, so I better get this posted now.

I finally decided how I could come to terms with commenting on this show (at least one more time), when I really don’t watch them dance, or even really like it. When I "accidentally" watch parts of it, I ask questions about what I’m seeing and thinking. The women watching it at my house all ignore me, or say sweet things like "piss off!" or "shut the hell up!” or “don’t you have some tire pressure or something to check?”  They can banish me, they can try to stifle me, but I won’t go to the garage quietly. There are things I need to know:

When will Pamela Anderson and Shannen Doherty finally duke it out?  They can’t stand each other and the word from backstage, is that there is a lot of tension because they apparently shared multiple partners in the past.  In fact, both of these bargain basement trollops ladies were married to Rick Salomon. I’m thinking by week four, there’s going to be an all out skank-fight. Seriously, which one of these two “ladies,” has "known" the most male celebs? (and yes, I do mean it in the biblical sense!)

Will Pamela even make it to week four? Will she be kicked off the show for improper off-hours cavorting with members of the band? Is there a musician alive who can resist, when she starts waving around those robust and rock hard.... fake eyelashes? (more than one rock star has suffered corneal abrasions to those things)

How many weeks will it take for Kate Gosselin to get fed up and start ordering crew members around? What’s the difference between her and OctoMom anyway? Aren’t both of them really just attention loving media whores at this point?

Is there really any difference between Buzz Aldrin and Cloris Leachman? Not much really, except I think Buzz has had far more cosmetic surgery. Speaking of cosmetic surgery, is Buzz playing cosmetic surgery “one-upmanship” against his own wife? Seriously, I haven’t seen anything like those two since the “King Tut” exhibit was in town. whatever happened to growing old gracefully?

Do you think Chad Ochocinco has already danced on the horizontal plane, in addition to the vertical, with his partner Cheryl Burke? Did you know he has his own line of condoms? That’s right! “Ocho-Cinco Condoms.“ What the heck, she’s rumored to have horizontally danced with most of her other partners on the show… Or so I've been told...

22 comments:

Christiejolu said...

I don't watch the show but this was hilarious! I may watch it just to see Shannon and Pamela get into a cat fight! I wonder who would win.

Amy said...

My boyfriend makes me watch this show because he likes Brooke Burke. But I might enjoy it a little more now, waiting for the cat fight...

Also, Ocho-Cinco condoms = hilarious.

Chuck said...

Apparently nowq I don't need to ever get trapped into watching this with my wife, I can just say Pat has told me all I need to know in 30 seconds. That's an hour of my life I get back!

Thanks Pat!

sarahjayne smythe said...

I don't watch the show, but I'm still pretty certain this post was better than it. :)

Pat Tillett said...

Christie - Maybe someone could set up a UFC grudge match or something!

Amy - I hear that! I tell my wife to call me when Brooke Burke dances. did he watch her old show on the travel channel?

Chuck - I am so happy to be of service...but for how long, I don't know...

Ms. Anthropy said...

I'm with SarahJayne.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I hate to say that I have watched this show. But I wait until they carve off the dead weight and then like Survivor, my mother and I go into this 'who is going to be eliminated glee' I don't know where she imagines they go when they are kicked off the show but I envision a colleseum with hungry lions.

Shannon would totally wipe the floor with Pam, Shannon has a real time record and those nails are grown...not painted on...and then honed to a fine point.

Kate is such a bitch that I can only root for her failure and subequent demise. Those poor little props she left at home deserve so much better.

The Anything Place said...

I am watching this right now, your blog made me decide to tune in!

Pat Tillett said...

I will admit, I'm not a huge fan, but the weird fringe "stars" they come up with is amazing. One weird one after the next...

Seriously, Jerry Springer, Cloris Leacman, Lisa Rinna (chick had her lips pumped up to size of inner-tubes.

Ally said...

My mom is like IN LOVE with this show and American Idol. What the heck? Ha ha.

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

The Retired One said...

Too funny! I bet you are right (about several observations that you made!)
I don't watch it, but don't be picking on my American Idol show contestants...you can pick on the judges tho. ha

KarenG said...

Hahahahaha, yes, this was FOR SURE better than DWTS. I can't even believe I used the acronym. I've never watched it more than 5 seconds in my entire life. I do like Idol, although not this year since I'm off TV.

Bossy Betty said...

I am currently squeezing into my sequined gown getting ready for this show! Thanks for the pre-show warm-up!

Copyboy said...

Interesting DWTS update. I just started watching it this season. Now I know you're doing commentary I'll have to keep watching. Go Buzz-oris!

The Anything Place said...

Kate was awful tonight, and her partner actually said he quit and then came back..

If you watched her face dancing she looked lost the entire time and was starting at her partner way too much to see what steps she should be doing.

Jerry said...

Hilariously great commentary! I don't watch this show at all but I am enjoying what your doing here with it. I can't wait to see next weeks.

Powdered Toast Man said...

I want to see Pam and Shannon duke it out over some Ocho Cinco Condoms

Kitty Moore said...

Sounds far more exciting than the UK version! x

Joe Cap said...

I agree with sarahjayne smythe...your post is WAY more interesting than the show...you seem pretty well-educated on something you watch 'accidently'!

buymebarbies said...

I must admit, he's much more interested this year, than ever before...He looks, half of the time, at the TV while typing on his laptop!! I do have to defend him though when he claims to hate this show. Whenever it's mentioned, his reply, "UGH!!" What a good guy to suffer through something just for me, or at least that's what he claims. Either way, he gets points from me!!

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

Is 'buymebarbies' Mrs. Tillet?

Is it just me, or am I not the only one who predicts Pat is going to be watching this show every week.... lol

Pat Tillett said...

Nah!!!!
I do what I want (if she lets me.,,)