Can we Please Talk About Menopause for a Minute?

First off...
I apologize in advance to any of you ladies out there who after reading this, may feel a hormone fueled urge to squeeze my head until it bursts. Apology accepted? Okay then, here we go.  

I've discovered yet another reason that makes me so very darn happy (thank you very much), that I am NOT a woman! My wife wasn't so lucky though. Her menopause appears to be more of a chronic condition rather than something that will pass. 

Either way
I should NOT have to dress
Like I'm about to climb Mount Everest
While sitting in my living room 
In the middle of winter
When it's freezing outside 
With all the windows open
And the air conditioner is on full blast
While my wife is dressed in summer clothes 
And mopping sweat off of her head and neck
While she says things like
"It's so HOT in here!
Over and over and over
While I am dangerously close to frostbite

It's a touchy subject to be sure. Luckily, I've learned a thing or two in our time together. One of them is to quietly slip into my parka and just sit there quietly shivering.

Of course, I wasn't always this smart. I used to say things like "it's not hot at all, it's just you!" Remarks like that were never accepted with open arms by my wife. Not even if I ended the sentence with "honey" or "my love."  Geez!

I'll get back to our travels soon. Right now I just need to know something.

Is it just me?



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Street Candids 6 - Family - And a Halloween Blog Fest

These folks are all part of my family, but the photos are very candid.

Making a wish before flipping a coin into a fountain in Palm Springs. I love the high level of concentration on her face. She is my granddaughter and had no idea I was watching her.

My wife (on the right) and her sister. She looked at me just as I took the photo. Judging by her expression (enlarge please), I can't tell what she was thinking.  My wife on the other hand looks to be very interested in something that she found.

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My friend Budd at Scifi Media is hosting the Scare Me blogfest on Halloween. Please follow the link and check it out and/or participate. Even if you don't participate, check out Scifi Media. Especially if you are into Scifi.

Here is Budd's blurb about it...

This is my first Blogfest and it will be happening on 10/31/12.  The purpose of the Scare Me Blogfest is to write about the scariest book that you have read, Movie you have watched, Ghosts you have encountered, and/or to share your own scary story. Just sign up on the Linky below (on his blog) and post your  entry on Halloween.  A panel that includes me, myself, and I will argue and fight to decide which entry was the best and that entry will get an award.  Who knows, I may make several.  

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Two Types of Reflections

Sunrise, January 1, 2012

For me, 2011 was a year for the ages...

1. My wife and I bought an RV in April. Since the start of May, we've spent about 60 nights in it while away from home. We're getting reacquainted with nature.
2. After three years of dealing with/ignoring it, my thyroid cancer is gone.
3. Last, but certainly not least; a lady came out of the woodwork thinking we might be related. Three weeks and one DNA test later, I have a sister! I never knew about her and I'm happy as can be about it.  We've spoken and exchanged a lot of messages and soon we'll be spending some time together.

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For reflections by other photographers go to Weekend Reflections by James.

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Menopause Just Might Kill Me

Sir Isaac Newton’s Third Law of Motion is, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction."
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I'm married to a beautiful, funny and smart woman. Unfortunately for me, she is now going through menopause and has apparently lost her mind. Although I totally feel sorry for her, I'm pretty sure that her menopause might cause me to die of hypothermia or heat stroke I know that it will eventually pass.

What I’m about to say, is almost completely true...
When it's freezing in our house, she's burning up! We have to open the windows and/or turn on the air conditioning, even though it's the dead of winter. Most of you know where I live and I understand that "dead of winter" is a relative phrase. For those of you living in areas with "real' winter, I apologize!

On the other end of the spectrum…
If it’s mid-summer and about 85 degrees outside, she is usually wearing a parka it’s about 75 degrees inside. How is my wife feeling?

"I'm so cold!"
"Honey, it's 75 degrees in here!"
"I don't care, I'm freezing!"
"Put another coat on!" (notice I said another)
"I'm turning the heater on!"
"What?"
"It's much too hot in here already!"
"I don't care, I'm freezing!"

Last summer was one of the mildest on record where I live. I think it was August 15th, when I lost the tip of my nose to frostbite.

If I'd known it was catchy, I would have gotten a vaccine or something...
Or is it just me?


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Japan

As many of you know, my wife is Japanese and most of her family lives in Japan.  We’ve made contact with some  of them and they tell us that they are shaken and scared, but safe. Thanks to those of you who have asked about them.

Japan is really up against it right now.  Earthquakes are averaging one an hour, tsunamis have killed thousands, a volcano is erupting, it's very cold, radiation is scaring everyone, transportation is at a standstill, there are major power outages and food and water are in short supply.  It’s the perfect storm of disasters.

I’ve visited Japan several times and have been lucky enough to stay with my wife’s relatives instead of hotels. I’ve really gotten to see how they live their everyday lives. They are very much like us, yet they are nothing like us. There are a few things I can tell you about them with certainty…

There will be no looting and there will be little or no crime during this time.  There will be none of the unrest, rudeness, or sense of entitlement, we’ve come to expect in our country when times get bad.  People will not be expecting the government to do everything.  These people take care of each other.  Whatever Mother Nature and failed technology throw at them, they will endure it with grace, humility and respect for others.  You’ve seen them on TV, waiting in long lines trying to buy what little food is available, right? Did you see and pushing and shoving? No, you didn’t see it, because it is not in their nature to do so.

Is Japan perfect? No it is not. Their government has made some major blunders throughout the years.  Having said that, the people are the nicest and gentlest, I’ve ever seen.  If you are lucky enough to travel there, you will find that they don’t expect you to speak Japanese. In fact, most will be embarrassed because they don’t speak your language!

I didn’t mean for this to be so long.  Because of my crazy upbringing, I’m not easily affected by current events, but I have to tell you, this unfolding tragedy is kicking my ass.  If you have any positive and healing thoughts, or any prayers you can make. The Japanese can surely use them...

Dinner at Aunt Junko's house.

Yes, everyone is sitting on the floor!

Get together at Aunt Kiku's house

Dinner out with Aunt Toshiko.

My wife's mom is in the front right.

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When Hopeful Evening Takes The Day

From my mind's eye
I cannot chase

The soft gentle image
 Of that classic face

When hopeful evening
 Takes the day

Red brown hair
Catches moonlight
Every ray

Set reservations aside
Let fate rule tomorrow

Let me for a life time
Your sweet love borrow
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Happy Valentine's day my love...

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Also, Happy Valentine's Day to all my lovely blogging friends out there!

This one is for you...

Tay 005 Gypsy Girl

enlarge for best viewing

Gypsy Girl

Vegetables

It has taken most of my life to actually say that I like vegetables...

My mother boiled them.
She didn't just boil them though, she boiled the crap out of them.
You know how vegetables taste so good when gently cooked or lightly sauteed?  Asparagus, green beans, or broccoli?  Yum!

My mom would boil them to the point of being mushy! They made us gag, but good old mom made us eat them anyway. As some of you already know, my mom didn't allow much complaining about food (or anything else).  I became a professional at making vegetables disappear from my plate, without really eating them. Good training for smuggling items into prison, I'm sure. Luckily, I never needed that skill. Okay, so you've read my old posts! There is a big difference between jail and prison!

For a good portion of my life I never ate vegetables, because I thought everybody cooked them like my mom did. I've wasted so much time and missed so many vegetables! Once I discovered the correct way of cooking them, I fell in love and now eat them all the time.

There are still a few I haven't recovered from yet; hominy, brussel sprouts, peas, and Lima beans. I'm not too worried about it, because nobody really likes hominy anyway, right?

I won't even talk about creamed corn, just saying the words makes me want to yak...

Did anybody else's mom ruin vegetables for them? Or is it just me?

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I'm Officially Old Today

I normally wouldn't say anything about it being my birthday. I'm pretty happy to have made it to this ripe old age, so this year I'm making an exception.  If you've been around my blog for a while, or gone back and read some of my life stories, I'm sure you understand what I mean.  Although we had a nice b'day party on Saturday night to celebrate, today is actually the day...

less than 1

1

7

no photos exist between the ages of 7 and 12

12

no photos exist between the ages of 12 and 16

Jr. year HS

18 just after boot camp

22

24

old

old

old

old (me, not her)

Grandson Lew on his "birth" day

recent, still older yet

damn near senile

all the way

early family

later family

Saturday night. 3 sheets to the wind, I'm sure...

...60...

...oh my goodness...

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Why I Can't Afford to Ever Have a Yard Sale

In our area, local real estate agents occasionally organize neighborhood garage and yard sales. There is one of them taking place on our street this weekend. I won't be taking part...

The first and last time I held a yard sale, I had all my worthless junk "gently used" items arranged in my driveway, in front of my open garage. I threw the crap on the ground went to a lot of trouble sorting it all out and marking prices.

I had no idea what I was doing was relatively new at this and a few things became very clear to me.

1. People will steal things when you're not looking.
2. People don't want to pay a penny they don't have to.
3. People are more interested in what's NOT for sale.

I sold very little of the yard sale items.  What I didn't sell, I gave to Goodwill.  I did however, pretty much empty out my garage.

I sold:
An old poker table that a friend left at my house, for $20. A little new felt and it was probably worth $50. I should have gotten at least $30.

A non-working 25" television set for $5. I learned later that most of them can be "fixed" for less than $20, if you know what you are doing. I should have gotten at least $25 for it.

An old tandem surfboard for $20. I found out later that they were rare and I should have gotten at least $100 for one that old.

Sold all my old scuba gear (that I thought I'd never use again) for $100. I saw what I think was the whole set-up in the next week's PennySaver for $200.

Sold a bunch of rusty old worthless Craftsman tools for practically nothing. I found out later that you can take ANY old Craftsman tool back to Sears and they will replace it with a brand new one for no charge.

Last but not least, I sold my old crusty and rusty old bike for 5 dollars. I forgot that I had an "emergency" 20 dollar bill hidden under the seat. So, I actually ended up paying the guy 15 dollars to take it!
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The obvious label choices for this post are many...

Blockhead, dolt, donkey, dope, dunce, fool, imbecile, nitwit, numbskull, simpleton, twit, addlebrain, blunderer, bonehead, botcher, bumbler, butcher, clod, clumsy oaf, duffer, dunce, featherbrain, fool, foul-up, fumbler, goof off, goofball, harebrain, idiot, ignoramus, incompetent, klutz, mismanager, muddler, muffer, screw up.

First Day of School

A few of the blogs I follow have had recent posts relating to the first day of school this year for their children.  As many of you are well aware, I don't have many fond memories relating to my own childhood.

The first day of a new school year is no exception.

I was 7 in this photo. It's the only photo of me that exists between the ages of 3 and 11.

On the first day of school at our house, there was no fanfare, no nice new clothes, no hearty breakfast, and no fancy packed lunch with a note inside.

My mom usually sent us on our way with a threat "you better get your ass out of this house! If you're late on the first day, there's gonna be hell to pay when you get home!"  Of course she could only threaten us, if she was actually there to say it.  On more than one occasion, she wasn't. First day of school and mom is missing in action.

So I'd leave the house with my county welfare supplied "lunch ticket" safely tucked into my "new" jeans.  They weren't usually exactly new, but they were new to me. They usually came from the thrift store, or from some generous local family.  Of course these jeans, "had better last all year," so my mom sewed double patches into the inside of the knees. 

I know most kids have a lot of questions and what-ifs before the first day. My "what-ifs" were usually a little bit different than most kids. Mine consisted of things like "what if someone makes fun of my clothes?" "What if someone comments on my "welfare lunch?" "What if someone makes fun of how poor my family is?" "What if someone calls me white trash?"

It wasn't really a matter of "what if," it was a matter of who and when.  My quandary was usually related to whether I would try to kick their ass during school, after school, or wait until I saw them away from school?

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Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in Point Loma, San Diego.  My granddaughter at the grave of my wife's dad. She's not as upset as she looks.  We were kind of upset though! This is a National Cemetery and as you can see to the left there were weeds growing everywhere. If you are ever in the San Diego area, a trip to Point Loma (not for the cemetery) is well worth the time.  It juts well out into the Pacific Ocean and offers a great view of downtown San Diego.

Cheap Silverware

The last time I ever made an attempt to speak to my mom about my childhood, she simply swept aside my concerns and feelings. I knew it was going to happen, but I tried anyway. The last words she had to say on the subject were, "Why do people always blame their parents for their problems?" I wasn't blaming her for anything. I just wanted her to tell me she was aware that my childhood was utter hell.

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Cheap Silverware

I agreed to meet

Not for her

But for me

It had been two years

Since we'd last seen each other

And more than one

Since we'd spoken

All for good reason

She showed love 

And affection

Like it hurt her

Her motherly words

Sounded not unlike

The tinny clatter

Of the cheap and pitted

Silverware

Strewn between us

On the scratched formica table

In the greasy spoon cafe

That she selected

Because she liked the pie there

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Follow up to Yesterday

I should have included this with yesterday’s poem.

As you may or may not know (depending on how long you’ve read my blog), my mom was an insane and brutal woman. She hated me because she hated my dad. I hated her because she abused me.

I don’t know why, but I felt some sense of responsibility related to helping her out when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I take it back; I do know why, I did it because I was dysfunctional as all hell.

I checked in on her a couple of times a day. I either brought her food, or cooked it at her house. One day I walked into her place and caught her trying to shoot herself in the head. I knew she carried a pistol in her purse and I had taken it away from her for just this reason. I had no idea she had a spare.

She couldn’t take the safety off and was trying to figure it out when I walked in the door. I took it away from her. I also discovered that she had just cut all of our family photos and her cash into tiny pieces.

Maybe it was the wrong reaction, but I got very angry at her. I was going well out of my way to help a woman I didn’t even like and she was going to have me walk in and discover her dead, with her brains splattered on the wall? She was in no pain at this point, so maybe it was to be her final act of hatred towards me.

I went through her medications (most of which she used recreationally), found the strongest she had, poured a glass of whiskey (she had plenty), set them in front of her, and walked out the door.

Of course, she didn’t use them; it wouldn’t have been dramatic enough of an exit for her…

If you don't already know why I would do this, I ask you to read my family and childhood related blog entries.

Slowly Turning Out The Lights

I wish you could remember

The day I walked in on you

Fumbling with the pistol

Confused and bewildered

It’s hard to load a gun

When the tumor in your brain

Won’t allow you to recall

Your own name

The agony of your life

Brought you here

Too many excesses

Nothing in moderation

Especially your brutality

The cancer actually merciful now

Blocking out your pain

Slowly turning out the lights

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Happy Father's Day Dad - I wish I knew you better

As some of you know I really didn't know my dad that well. I didn't see him at all between the ages of 6 and 40.  He's gone now, but from what I saw he was a heck of a good guy.  If you want to get a glimpse into the cut of the man go to this post.

Tillett family reunion in Kentucky. My dad died shortly after this.

Easy to see this is in the south. Not only a can of Crisco, but also a can of "butter flavored" Crisco along side of it.

In the Navy around 1950.

Tay 001

Pensive